There’s a ton of information and helpful tips available on how to protect children during divorce, but here’s a question for divorcing parents: Do you ever think about what your children learn from watching you go through your divorce? Author and blogger Michela Montgomery addressed this issue with an article in Huff Post titled “Three Things We Can Teach Our Daughters in Divorce”.
She points out that getting divorced doesn’t mean your life is over, saying, “If we can teach our daughters that one bad chapter does not mean the end of our novel – perhaps they can model our resilience in their own lives when plans go awry.”
Her second point is that you are not defined by your husband or partner, and that you can stand on your own merits and accomplishments, whether married, divorced or single.
Michela’s third point is one that many self-help gurus and spiritual teachers also promote: the importance of living in the present. She explains that dealing with the hurt and pain you are feeling while it’s happening is much more effective than avoiding it.
This point is also detailed in Ed Sherman’s book How to Make Any Divorce Better where he says, “Possibly the most real thing in your life right now is the way you feel. Nothing else is as real as your pain, fear, anger, hurt, guilt, tension, nervousness, illness, depression—whatever it is you are feeling.”
- how to move from grief to growth
- the four stages of grief
- the components of the emotional cycle
- how to heal
- how to avoid the common psychological traps
He also says, “Healing starts with a lot of tiny changes in your daily habits. If you take charge of the little things, the big ones will soon fall in line. You should see it as a triumph when you learn to do for yourself the little things that you always depended on your spouse to do, or make decisions in areas where you always used to defer to your mate.”
To learn more about Sherman’s award-winning book, visit How to Make Any Divorce Better.
To read Michela’s entire article, go to Huff Post.